Domestic Violence is a choice and a learnt behaviour.
It is a also a criminal offence.
Despite legislation and policy stating Police MUST investigate domestic violence, I still hear of officers not doing the basic enquiries unless they have a signed statement from the victim.
For every choice there is a consequence, and an opportunity for restorative justice.
When I talk about offenders, perpetrators and respondents, I make sure it is understood that I am discussing the behavour not the person. The person would be inherently good, but in that moment defaulted or engaged in a behaviour that was chosen as their way to deal with conflict, concerns raised or criticism.
He is not an arsehole, but he behaved like one.
She is not a fucking bitch, but her behaviour was characterised as that.
You can clearly see how the general and sweeping statement to describe someones behaviour become the reflection of who they are and not what they did.
If we need to learn anything about relationships, it’s about how we respond to the situation, conversation or circumstance. You can not control it. Choosing to let it go, knowing when to speak up. Discerning these moments are character building and intersections for relationships to grow or decline.
To let it go does not mean you agree. To not speak up and object doesn’t mean that you don’t or wouldn’t.
But sometimes, letting go is the enablement of attitudes and behaviours to continue. We acquiesce to what was, is or might be until we object. Consent has long been the debate and without it, it defaults to agreeing.
On the other side of the coin, speaking up does not mean you object, reject or detract from the issue.
But sometimes this can be seen as opposition, denial and dismissive. So to improve the general assumptions made, set straight the assumptions of others and maintain boundaries is about language, choosing the words carefully and deliberately.
Being respectful, kind and thoughtful.