Feeling safe is a temporary and integrated state of being in the mind.
It is influenced by our experiences, learnt knowledge and intuition. Humans make micro judgements on a spectrum of feeling safe by the words and behaviours of those around us which impacts on their type of conversations and interactions. As these ‘situations and circumstances’ continually form a reference point for what is probably and what is possible, it is the wisdom of knowing that helps us self regulate, doing better for ourselves in keep ourselves safe.
It’s a concept that is as individual as a fingerprint, influenced by traumatic events and incidents where physical, emotional and psychological safety have been compromised or betrayed.
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Our 5 senses keep us safe and give guidance to the situation we are in and the circumstances that we are faced with.
- Sight,
- hearing,
- touch,
- taste and
- smell
all allow us to make an assessment of danger and pleasure with everything in-between.
The media has been responsible for the much of the fear instilled in women, with a high percentage of films featuring serious acts of violence, threats of harm and death to women who speak up and speak out at a man. News openly reports the circumstances of women dying at the hands of men, creating vicarious trauma that permeates into the community and instilling a general mistrust of men.
In our Feeling Safe #regardless Talks we discuss some key influencing factors on the deep sense that women are not safe in this world.
- We discuss the research shows how Men mask up so as to not show their weakness to other men, protecting their ego’s and reputation as to what is means to ‘be a man’. A scary armour of bravado that unconsciously impacts of how safe women feel around them. To be safe is to be heard, seen, understood and accepted.
2. How when called out on misogynist behaviour, men have no problem putting ‘Women in their place’ to protect their image and reputation. To a man with this perpetrator psychology it demonstrates her opinion is less valued, her worthiness is lower and she is an obstacle that is needs to be silenced or removed.
3. A Women’s intuition. The suppressed super power that distorts what behaviour is often under the guise of love and protection, patronising misogyny or being seen as the head or in control of the family. We discuss how layers of privilege, entitlement and a lack of role models who demonstrate kindness in the moment of weakness, men continue to expect themselves to get over it and move on and in turn for it to be never spoken of again.
4. We chat about how Women have been fed the fairytale of prince charming, a man who saves her from the terrors of life, capturing her and holding her hostage with guilt and shame promising to provide for her and give her all he can, even when that is disrespect because she ‘deserved it’ or ‘had it coming to her’.
5. We demonstrate how a women’s safety is the very essence that surges when she is angry. A highly potent emotion of frustration at the disrespect she is shown. Women are taught to hold their tongue, bit their lip and keep their mouth shut which is depicted as she goes to scream when gagged.
Her natural response is to fight, but she has been conditioned to succumb, comply and conform to the demands of silence, so not to embarrass the shameful behaviour of her partner. The same partner that has been raised to chase and pursue women, initiate sex at will and make compliments to draw her in.
Book here for our Feeling Safe #regardless talks
We then engage a solution focused problem solving approach.
The international day of the girl, will stand in front of her bull.
Will stand up to her bully.
Will face off with a world that says she can’t……… and then she WILL do it.
To stand in her way and protect what represents inequality and discrimination is to side with those who are benefiting from her staying silent and left unheard, unseen and misunderstood.
To support her ambition and be the change she wants to see is activism.
To unlearn what has been conditioned and see human rights and women’s rights is the cornerstone of change in the perception of safety for women.
A dark lane.
A park at night.
A bar in the city.
A cab ride.
Her workplace.
A bus or train.
A car park.
A stairwell.
Her home.
Her bed.
The violation of a women’s safety corrupts the perception of safety in every other part of her world.
Women are not saying they can always do it on their own, just as a man is not expected not to ask for help. Both sexes have the capacity to stand still and let things happen or be. They can step back from their position and enable, or they can do the right thing and move toward her, after asking yourself and her – what can I do right now to make her feel safer.
Strategy, Success and Serenity
Women engage in rituals and routines to develop inner safety. Physically making themselves attractive to avoid the rejection and criticism of men whilst also being able to withdraw and hide from unwanted attention with tactics of self sabotage.
By taking care of their skin to meet the unrealistic expectations of the billion dollar beauty industry they are intrinsically rewarded with feeling ‘better’ about themselves. Emotionally suppressing frustration and disgust to avoid the name calling and shame of ‘the hysterical women’ or ‘a fucking bitch’.
Psychologically they are preparing for a sexual attack, as they have been portrayed as the object that gives pleasure, not participates in it. Simple increments like being shuffled to the offside of the pathway to give him an inflated sense of importance that he will sacrifice and protect her from the out of control car contributes to the ‘feeling less safe’ around him.
Capacity and Capability are insidiously chipped away by the rituals that empower men and they are designed to disempower women and create dependance.
Our goal is to instil in women that they can speak, even when not spoken to, be included even when not invited, be heard, despite being spoken over, contribute even when dismissed and there needs to be a conscious effort by men. All Men.
Book here for our Feeling Safe #regardless talks