Recently a mother came to me after her child was taken from her home by the father without consultation, consent or a conversation.  The father responded in a message – She is old enough to make her own decisions.  

 

She is 14.

 

Not old enough to drive, have sex, leave school, drink alcohol, have a job, gamble, get piercings, tattoos or vote. So what’s the deal with leaving home because she has decided to.

 

The law says that parents are responsible for looking after children’s needs until children turn 18. This means that it might be OK for children to leave home before 18 if:

• they have your permission
• they have a safe place to go
• they are otherwise following the law – for example, still attending school
• you make sure their needs are still being met

Now if the primary carer parent doesn’t know where the other parent lives, has not had a conversation with that other parent that is ‘taking responsibility’ of their child – you can imagine there would be a level of risk and concerns, at least on the surface, not to mention what has been going on before hand for it to get to this point. 

 

The Raising Childrens Network provide a great resource page to help parents navigate what is traditionally a challenging time even when two parents who are ‘happily married’ or under the same roof, but this becomes more of a challenge and distressing when one parent is faced with the hostility and abusive behaviours of the other, such as showing up unannounced, coaxing children to leave without conversation or consent of the other parent and refusing to provide an address of where the child will be staying. 

 

The mother told me she called the local police station for help and the Police woman without any questioning of the situation or circumstances, a risk assessment or history checks, blankly stated

 

“I’m going to tell you first, there is nothing we can do, he is the father’.  – Police Officer

 

She is a little hazy on the conversation after that mainly due to the shock, not only to the lack of empathy this police officer demonstrated at her sharing she didn’t know where her daughter was but also about the complete lack of concern regarding the safety and welfare of her child.  The cop said something to the effect of  ‘it’s just her being a teenager, she’ll be back’.

This scenario raises several issues and concerns that single parents who have experienced domestic violence and years of abusive behaviour are left to manage.

 

1. Teenagers are children, protected by the state and governed by Federal Laws of the Family Court.  The Police have an obligation to investigate claims of abuse, neglect and provide protection for children assessed at being at risk of harm.
2. Police often fail to assess risk by attempting to dismiss the initial claims of the parent, minimising the incident whether to calm them down (which has never worked) or to avoid doing the work.
3. The due diligence of a history check would reveal any past domestic violence indicators that have previously been reported and may assist in predicting the risk of harm. 
4. Police who lack the empathy required to support people experiencing a traumatic event which in this case would be a missing child, run the risk of extracting details that may be important or predict the foreseeable risk and outcome.
5. There is lack of knowledge by Police in state and federal resources and little or no referrals. By completing a check list of what the parent has already considered, and workshopping the other processes in which this matter could be alternatively dealt with would benefit both the parent and the reputation of the Police.

 

Not only are parents left wondering how serious does it have to get before they get assistance or what evidence do they need to have, but the less than helpful experience in dealing with the Police will make them less likely to approach them again. 

“Empathy is learnt, and in this case Police offered little and added to the distress of this parent.”

– Upstream Investigations

 

 

 

 

Many people will not challenge Police procedure due to lack of knowledge and if the Police are attempting to rebrand to their community with values of trust and respect – telling someone there is nothing they can do about their situation – despite it being a issue they are tasked and given powers to deal with – is irresponsible and neglectful.

 

Whilst they can’t return your child,

the police can do something.  

 

They can take your concern seriously and make a report of the incident. This can then be subpeoned in your Family Court hearing as evidence.  This is the evidence the Family Court may or may not consider as a risk of harm, but it certainly demonstrates the attitude of the other parent. 

 

 

They can do a welfare check on your child, make a phone call (which this officer referred to as a ‘courtesy call’) but refused to make a record of her action.  In many cases, the call to the other parent is a a level of accountability, giving the other party an opportunity to explain why there are concerns, if there is consent or conflict.

I note: some parents have weaponised this response – which make police suspicious  and they become embroiled in a tit for tat exchange

(again the decision would be made easier and the risk confirmed if enquiries into the history of the relationship were made, which again is impacted by the response or lack of response by the Police who have previously dealt with this family) Concerned parents report they feel they are wasting the Police time and resources whilst the commissioner encourages reporting to build a history of the relationship

This situation’s risk was escalated as the mother was unaware  of and had not been notified of the Father’s change of address –  a serious risk factor. 

 

 

A welfare check, also known as a wellness check, occurs when law enforcement officers respond to a request to check on the safety and well-being of a person. A normal welfare check is conducted by police, who will come to the home and check on the resident to confirm their safety and medical health.

 

 

They can provide you with access to services and hotlines such as 1800 RESPECT and Child Protection who’s threshold for taking reports of abuse and concerns about children are given care consideration. 

 

 

1800RESPECT is a Federal Government funded national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service that provides best practice professional counselling, information, resources and referrals for individuals and their families and friends who have experienced, or are at risk of, family and domestic

 

 

When we contacted Child Protection, the case worker spent an hour with the mother recording the incident and behaviours of the father leading up to this event.  She offered reassuring advice and support, confirming that the attitude of the father was abusive and disrespectful and that strict orders in the Family Court to ensure compliance would be required given his attitude and disregard for the distress caused to the mother. 

 

HOW TO HOLD POLICE ACCOUNTABLE

 

What you can do if this happens to you is to contact your Police Commander in writing and provide ‘feedback’ that describes how the attitude of the police officer was received and the impact.  Suggest the above three ideas as a response and ask for the officer to be retrained or counselled.

 

Whilst the Police have ‘procedural’ boxes to tick, they also have a

Customer Service Program and Customer Service Charter

 

VICTIMS OF CRIME

If you have been the victim of an incident or a crime we will:

• explain how we will deal with your matter
• provide you with a reference number and contact telephone number of the investigating officer
• keep you informed throughout the investigation
• inform you of the outcome of the investigation,where possible
• encourage you to contact police if you need or have any further information.

 

The above link and below statements provide the strategies police implemented to meet customer needs.

 

YOU SAID “BE ACCESSIBLE”

YOU SAID “BE PROFESSIONAL AND HELPFUL”

YOU SAID “KEEP ME INFORMED”

and finally

FEEDBACK ON OUR PERFORMANCE

 

The NSW Police Force welcomes constructive feedback on the performance of our officers and staff so that we can improve the service we provide to you. This means we will:

• encourage your feedback, complaints and compliments about our officers, staff and service
• collect and,where possible, use your feedback to continuously improve how we deliver policing
• conduct annual reviews of the charter
• publish the results of our annual review on the NSW Police Force website and in our annual report.

You can provide us with compliments, complaints and feedback in any language via:

Web: www.police.nsw.gov.au

Phone: 1800 622 571 TTY: (02) 9211 3776

Post: Locked Bag 5102, Parramatta NSW 2124

Or visit your local police station.

Customer Service Police Statement

 

It’s important for you as the parent to stay calm and remain respectful to the other parent regardless of his attitude.  Continue asking for the details of your child’s whereabouts as more refusals without reasonable excuse portrays the unreasonableness of the other parent.  Just as they have engaged a strategy to accomodate them, it’s important to allow time to pass in order for them to be identified as the aggressive parent – even though this is a passive behaviour in context. 

 

 

We have been successful in applying for interim F.C. orders that ensures the parent is held accountable for beaches, protection orders that place the onus on the other parent to collect the children from another location other than the family home and Child Protection Reports to record evidence of parent attitude and behaviour.

– Upstream Investigator 

 

 

Below are the steps to take if you are faced with this situation.  It covers both the Civil and Family Court jurisdictions and clearly sets out the applications you can make to ensure this situation doesn’t happen again. 

 

What can the police help with?

When it comes to Family Law matters the police can assist in various ways. For example if you are in an abusive relationship the police can assist you by issuing an Intervention Order to provide you with protection from that person.

It is important to note however that having an Intervention Order in place does not automatically revoke Family Court Orders that are already in place nor will it prevent the court from making Orders that provide the other party with contact with a child or children who are listed as a Protected Person under an Intervention Order.

Section 68Q of the Family Law Act 1975 and Section 16 of the Intervention Orders (Prevention of Abuse) Act 2009 provide that any Intervention Order that is inconsistent with a Family Law Order may be invalid.  However it is an option that the State Courts have to resolve that inconsistency by suspending a Family Law Order.

The usual process with Intervention Orders is that a clause is included to the effect that the terms of the Intervention Order are subject to any Family Court Orders for contact between the other party and any children, meaning that contact can still take place.