Personal Safety, Child Protection and Family Law is covered by a number of legislations and Regulations, Federal and State Policy and Laws.

Good and bad parenting is defined in terms that are subjective to these Acts of Parliament and United Declarations, but there are and have always been a set of standards, obligations and expectations in behaviour that are the guardrails for childhood development to be provided by a parent including the assumed responsibility to cause no harm.

Parenting practices around the world share three major goals:

ensuring children’s health and safety,
preparing children for life as productive adults and
transmitting cultural values.

A high-quality parent-child relationship is critical for healthy development.

Advisory in Legislative Exploration During Investigations

During our interviews we identify risks of harm and potential risks to children and their parent caused by Domestic and Family Abuse and Violence.
We provide advice, strategy and recommendations on how to exercise parental responsibilities and rights, obligations and met expectations.
We understand both Human Rights and Childrens’ Rights and support the development of parents in understanding those.

Domestic and Family Violence pose both an actual threat and potential risk of harm to children and their development. In particular their sense of self (identity) and safety (physical, emotional and psychological). As parents are the designated protectors and providers of children, those who witness Family and Domestic Violence are also victims of the same behaviour.

Children are often weaponised in dysfunctional intimate relationships, and subjected to blame, shame and guilt, forced to choose a parent and given the burdening task of keeping parents accountable to their role. Children want to please and be accepted and loved by both parents and see any fault in their parent personality or behaviour as a direct reflection on who they are and their identity. Children are often used as pawns during conflict and subjected to threats of abandonment, isolation, used as bargaining tools and betrayed by parents who are wanting to control the other parent. Children are not property nor are they owned by either parent, instead they have been placed in their care and control until they become of an age where they can independently engage in society as a contributing member, and that is the role and job of a parent.

Many of the rules, regulations, laws and government policy is centred around child protection, in particular the

Convention on the Rights of the Child

Adopted and opened for signature, ratification and accession by

General Assembly resolution 44/25 of 20 November 1989
entry into force 2 September 1990, in accordance with article 49

“the child, by reason of his/her physical and mental immaturity, needs special safeguards and care, including appropriate legal protection, before as well as after birth”,

Recognizing that the United Nations has, in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and in the International Covenants on Human Rights, proclaimed and agreed that everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth therein, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status,

Recalling that, in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the United Nations has proclaimed that childhood is entitled to special care and assistance,

Convinced that the family, as the fundamental group of society and the natural environment for the growth and well-being of all its members and particularly children, should be afforded the necessary protection and assistance so that it can fully assume its responsibilities within the community,

Recognizing that the child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality, should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding,

Considering that the child should be fully prepared to live an individual life in society, and brought up in the spirit of the ideals proclaimed in the Charter of the United Nations, and in particular in the spirit of peace, dignity, tolerance, freedom, equality and solidarity

……………………

Bearing in mind that the need to extend particular care to the child has been stated in the Geneva Declaration of the Rights of the Child of 1924 and in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child adopted by the General Assembly on 20 November 1959 and recognized in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, in the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (in particular in articles 23 and 24), in the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (in particular in article 10) and in the statutes and relevant instruments of specialized agencies and international organizations concerned with the welfare of children,

Bearing in mind that, as indicated in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child,

“Declaration of the Rights of the Child”

Recalling the provisions of the Declaration on Social and Legal Principles relating to the Protection and Welfare of Children, with Special Reference to Foster Placement and Adoption Nationally and Internationally; the United Nations Standard Minimum Rules for the Administration of Juvenile Justice (The Beijing Rules); and the Declaration on the Protection of Women and Children in Emergency and Armed Conflict,

Recognizing that, in all countries in the world, there are children living in exceptionally difficult conditions, and that such children need special consideration,

Taking due account of the importance of the traditions and cultural values of each people for the protection and harmonious development of the child, Recognizing the importance of international co-operation for improving the living conditions of children in every country, in particular in the developing countries,

RISKS

As you can see, the children are heavily protected from the under developed skills, knowledge and behaviour of parents who place their children at risk, both foreseeable and deliberate as well as unforeseeable and reckless indifference. At any level, a human claiming to hold the responsibility of a child, is responsible for their development and safety, unless deemed incapable, limited or otherwise unable.

Risk factors sit on a spectrum but include

drugs, alcohol and other destructive addictions or dependence
actual and fear of family violence, abuse and threats including sexual assault
existing or applications for protection orders,
mental health and illnesses,
employment and education,
financials and employment,
housing and health.

One or more of these contributing factors place a child at risk of harm.

Therefore, interpreting the conventions, legislations and responsibilities that protect children are based on the universal assessment of risk or at risk of harm and do not favour the ‘rights’ of parents over those of the child. A report of these risk factors is based on the facts, witness testimony, perception, category, frequency, intensity and duration of risk, the language used to describe these measures which are determined from the observations of interactions or lack of, the care and protective behaviours as well as the standards and expectations of what creates happiness, love and understanding.

This is essentially the handbook of parenting, provided to parents at the time of conception. Parents talk about not being given a manual on parenting, yet, here it is with the focus on providing a

“the natural environment for the growth and well-being of all its members and particularly children, (who) should be afforded the necessary protection and assistance so that it can fully assume its responsibilities within the community”

Essentially and primarily the purpose of parenting is:

“to raise fully functional adults who can take care of themselves and make a positive contribution to society. Generally speaking, this should be accomplished by eighteen. After this age, parents have less verbal influence but can still be a positive role model through actions, not words.”

We help parents find the resources, education and get the feedback they need to become the positive role model and influential person in their child’s life. We know it is an evolving position of authority that looses it’s power as children grow up. Having witnessed the impact of those children who are exposed to abuse, subjected to violence, threatened, intimidated or been denied their rights it’s a priority for law makers to provide Children with the required special care afforded to them under these declarations. In the process of finding the evidence that these steps are not being taken, proactive measures are not being implemented or they have been withheld by one parent, is often the catalyst of separation, divorce and and at the very least, family conflict.

Values play an important role in family’s existing in harmony.

Respect, Trust, Truth-fullness, Honesty, Openness and Transparency creates an intimate space for children to make mistakes, learn, grow, mature and become responsible for themselves.

As a parent, you have

Parental Responsibilities

Provide an environment that is SAFE.
Provide your child with BASIC NEEDS.
Provide your child with SELF-ESTEEM NEEDS.
Teach your child MORALS and VALUES.
Develop MUTUAL RESPECT with your child.
Provide DISCIPLINE which is effective and appropriate.
Involve yourself in your child’s EDUCATION.

Duties and Rights

to protect your child from harm.
to provide your child with food, clothing and a place to live.
to financially support your child.
to provide safety, supervision and control.
to provide medical care.
to provide an education.

Styles of Parenting

Positive Parenting

Positive parenting means taking an approach that is sensitive to children’s individual needs and addressing the typical challenges that arise in early childhood with empathy and respect.

Positive parenting helps to develop stronger parent-child relationships. This approach to behavioural development increases trust between children and parents. The reason for this trust is that children have positive interactions with parents as a result of positive parenting.

5 Steps to Positive Parenting

Create a safe, interesting environment. Bored kids are likely to misbehave. So create an environment that allows kids to explore safely and develop their skills.
Have a positive learning environment. If a child or teenager comes to you for help or a chat, they’re ready to learn.Give them positive attention, even if only for a minute or so. Encourage their ideas and opinions.
Use assertive discipline. Set clear rules and boundaries and follow through with fair consequences. You can negotiate some of these with older kids and decide on the rules and consequences together. Praise little and big kids to encourage the behaviour you like.
Have realistic expectations. Nobody’s perfect – kids, teenagers or adults – so don’t expect your child to do more (or less) than they’re capable of. And remember, we all make mistakes sometimes.
Take care of yourself as a parent.It’s all about balance. You’ve got to look after your own needs too, so make sure you’re getting some support, time with friends, and maybe even a little time to yourself!

Positive Parenting is Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting or positive parenting is the parenting style of parenting recommended by developmental psychologists as parents set and reinforce boundaries. They are responsive and kind. This parenting style is high discipline, high warmth. The authoritative parenting style is an approach to child-rearing that combines warmth, sensitivity, and the setting of limits. Parents use positive reinforcement and reasoning to guide children. They avoid resorting to threats or punishments.

Parents who intervene in the other parents parenting style, will often do so to protect their children

Motherhood and the act of mothering is a unique and powerful role for women, one that abusive men often want to interrupt and control. Despite women’s attempts to maintain an effective mothering role and protect children, the majority of evidence in this paper suggests a struggle for abused women to parent effectively. Women attend to abusive men’s demands and needs and subsequently control and discipline children in order to keep them safe. Poor mental health and social conditions related to the abuse impact on women’s capacity to parent effectively. – ANROWS, 2016.

From decades of studies, researchers found that authoritative parenting is consistently linked to the best outcomes in kids.

Authoritative parenting style is considered the best parenting style by psychologists and psychiatrists.
Authoritative parents have rules, and they use consequences, but they also take their children’s opinions into account.
They validate their children’s feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
Authoritative parents invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start.
They also use positive discipline strategies to reinforce good behavior, like praise and reward systems.
Children with parents who demonstrate this style tend to be self-disciplined and think for themselves.

This style is believed to be most beneficial to children.

Authoritarian

This type of parenting style focuses on imposing authority on children without any exception.

Children have to follow whatever their parents say.
They also don’t allow kids to get involved in problem-solving challenges or obstacles.
Instead, they make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard for a child’s opinion.
Authoritarian parents may use punishments instead of discipline.
So rather than teach a child how to make better choices, they’re invested in making kids feel sorry for their mistakes.
Children of authoritarian parents are at a higher risk of developing self-esteem problems because their opinions aren’t valued.

Abusive men as fathers have been characterised by researchers and victims as authoritarian, under-involved, self- centred and manipulative. These men also engage in high levels of substance abuse. Children exposed to partner violence in the home by their father/stepfather are at heightened risk of child maltreatment including child sexual abuse – ANROWS, 2016

Permissive

In this style of parenting, parents are lenient, and they only step in when there is a severe issue.

They are quite forgiving and might give privileges if a child begs for something.
Permissive parents are lenient.
They often only step in when there’s a serious problem.
Parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role.
They often encourage their children to talk with them about their issues, but they typically don’t put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behaviour.

Neglect or Uninvolved

Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing.

There tend to be few rules.
Children may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves.
They don’t devote much time or energy to meeting children’s basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful, but it’s not always intentional.
They lack knowledge about child development.
And sometimes, they’re simply overwhelmed with other problems, like work, paying bills, and managing a household.
Children with uninvolved parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues.
They tend to perform poorly in school.
They also exhibit frequent behavior problems and rank low in happiness.

Parenting Styles in Domestic and Family Violence

Perpetrators can try to interrupt the mother-child bond, by using direct (child loss) and indirect (maternal alienation) tactics of abuse. Children are often used as tools to abuse mothers and exert coercion and control.

This violence does not end once couples separate.

Litigation abuse is a common method used by perpetrators post-separation and in extreme cases fathers can use filicide as retaliation. Poor understanding by some legal professionals of the complex relationship dynamics surrounding DFV may heighten risk for women and children in co-parenting arrangements.

– ANROWS, 2016

Many parents take on different and a combination of parenting styles, depending on their work and lifestyle choices. Addictions, conflict or stress can impact on parenting as well as impact on the dynamics of an intimate relationship leading to separation. Parenting is second behind finances when it comes to issues of conflict within the family. Different values and origins of parents, culture and religion impact on the collaborative parenting style, but it’s important for each parent to establish their own style as that is the developmental pathway for a relationship with their child.

Whilst you may be disappointed or disapprove of the other parenting style, it is important to respect the relationship the child/ren has with that parent unless there is a risk of harm or actual harm being caused. This includes:

Emotional
Physical
Sexual
Financial
Psychological
Spiritual
Developmental including educational

How Australia’s Family Courts Are Failing Children

A recent study peels back the veil on Australia’s family courts.

By <spanitemprop=”name”>Grant Wyeth</spanitemprop=”name”>

August 11, 2021

“Most allegations of abuse are brought forward by mothers”.

Mothers — and therefore children — are being punished for bringing child abuse to the court’s attention. The priority given to contact over safety means that courts are motivated to disbelieve allegations of abuse, and ignore or excuse them when the evidence is substantial.

“It appears the Family court is not actually adjudicating on child welfare, but are instead adjudicating on a dispute between former partners”.

This is a common theme from registrars and judges who repeatedly send parents back into the corridors of the court to come to a negotiated outcome – instead of accepting that previous conflict, abuse, neglect, risky behaviour and violence have brought them before the court to assess the risk to their children and place protective and accountable measures in place. It appears, feels and seems to the applicant that their previous attempts to hold the other parent responsible were feeble and now put them in a difficult position under duress to agree to an outcome they know makes them an active bystander to their Childrens abuse, placing the relationship the father now wants to have, despite his opportunity to do so when the family was a unit – over the safety of that child.

“This pro-contact culture has been advanced into family courts by “fathers’ rights” and other male supremacist groups as not only a way to avoid consequences for abusive behaviours, but in order to reassert male household dominance due to a belief that this is a natural order that is being undermined by social advancements in women’s rights and capabilities.” Grant Wyeth writes

TRUST

Grants article accurately depicts the issues, concerns and problems mothers are faced with when engaging in the Family Court as a protective course of action. Instead they are met with judgement during a time when they were resetting boundaries of respect, pushing back against male dominance in the home and forced into reactive abuse to intervene. Post separation relationships are fraught with mistrust, in particular high conflict cases as perpetrators of abuse and violence try to minimise their behaviour.

It’s only when looking for the root causes of conflict do we find that frustrations are expressed as anger because of insecurity (lack of trusting oneself), jealousy (lack of trusting others) and a lack of trust (general mistrust) all of which remain the top three reasons relationships break down.

Others include personality differences, lack of time spent together, infidelity (lack of trust) and a lack of positive interactions.

Research shows that men lie 8 x more than women and lying is often a protective response to being exposed, embarrassed, humiliated or shamed. Around 73 percent of people surveyed who’d been in a relationship for at least a year admitted to lying to their partners in order to maintain their healthy romantic relationship. But just because it’s more common to be dishonest from time to time doesn’t mean it’s not taking a toll on your love life. Men lie more than their partners according to the study, and one in 10 claim to do it regularly. One in three of the 2,000 adults questioned admitted that the lies they tell their partner are serious lies. So why does lying in a relationship translate to a risk in Family Court.

Simple. How can someone trust that parent knowing witness abuse, violence and dishonesty. A court forcing parents to blindly trust each other after years of betrayal without any restorative practices is unreasonable and unrealistic.

People lie to protect their own interests despite the most common response being I was trying to protect their feelings and avoid conflict (which is the self preservation behaviour), embarrassment, or having to face the consequences of their behaviour. Hiding something they did or did not do is about the fear of rejection or losing their spouse, yet the consequences are most definitely far more devastating that having said and engaged in corrective conversations with them.

FALSE ALLEGATIONS

Grant also reports in the article: “Parental Alienation,” is a counter claim where ‘fathers’ groups have constructed a narrative that women are driven by spite and are actively seeking to remove fathers from their children’s lives without merit. The goal has been to misdirect the sympathies of courts toward abusive men, and direct the suspicion of courts toward protective mothers.

“The study’s findings are consistent with global trends in custody proceedings where mothers — and children — are being punished for bringing child abuse to the court’s attention. This is driven by a considerable ideological shift in family courts over the past few decades that has made it far more difficult for mothers to protect children from abusive fathers.

“Family courts have been overwhelmed by a “pro-contact” culture that leads them to believe that it is in the child’s best interests to maintain contact with a father even if he has been abusive toward that child, and even if he continues to pose a threat. Furthermore, the priority given to contact over safety means that courts are motivated to disbelieve allegations of abuse, and ignore or excuse them when the evidence is substantial.

In the August 2021 report :

Allegations of child sexual abuse: An empirical analysis of published judgements from the Family Court of Australia 2012–2019

Nola Webb, Lawrence J. Moloney, Bruce M. Smyth, Robyn L. Murphy

it is cited “In assessing “unacceptable risk”, the decision maker’s traditional tools are (a) astute observation of human behaviour and (b) a capacity to assess the credibility, consistency and logic of the arguments and evidence proffered by protagonists, witnesses, experts and lawyers. With respect to allegations of child sexual abuse, the tortuous process of determining “unacceptable risk” outlined in M & M has been the subject of considerable published commentary (e.g. Chisholm, 1989, 2011a,b; Fogarty, 2006; Parkinson, 1990a,b, 1999, 2014; Young, Dhillon & Groves, 2014). Of some relevance is that the earliest of these analyses (Chisholm, 1989), expressed concern from the very outset that the High Court’s underpinning logic, might itself be fundamentally flawed.¹² Since then, further attempts at clarifying the High Court’s intentions have been addressed in at least 12 subsequent judgements.¹³

“The extensive academic and judicial commentary on the judgement in M & M points to the ongoing struggle to prioritise the safety of children at the same time as ensuring a just result for parents alleged to have perpetrated child sexual abuse.” Nola Webb, Lawrence J. Moloney, Bruce M. Smyth, Robyn L. Murphy

First published: 14 July 2021

https://doi.org/10.1002/ajs4.171

This article is timely and considerate of the expressions of many womens experiences in the Family Court.